OGR 04/02/2016Hi Krissy,It's only now, looking at your boards and your concept art that I fully understand the idea of them being connected by that mechanism from above; it's certainly a rather nightmarish vision and is a very quick way of communicating their slavery. I must say that I find your storyboard a bit hard to follow (not impossible!) because it's so clearly about you getting your ideas down. As you move towards submission time, you'll need to create a 'presentation standard' storyboard and, technically, this should be a much more crisp and cleanly communicated piece, demonstrating your knowledge of the various conventions of storyboarding. I'm not sure about your script either, in so much as you've got 'footnotes' at the end of the script designating more details. Again, perhaps these clarifications are for yourself, but you should look to the proper presentation of a screenplay via Adobe Story; if you look at the Scriptwriting Resources folder on myUCA, you'll see examples of pro scripts, which you'll find helpful re. presenting your story more effectively.In terms of directorial tweaks, I'd suggest that some further intercutting would enrich the scene in which the robots' cables first become entwined, and then ping apart again. Panels 23/24/25 could be intercut nicely with close-ups of the robots' faces and likewise shots of the cables straining under the tension - this way we might get a stronger visual sense of these two characters being 'forced apart' and what it feels like to be them.Your boards stop before the end of your script; in terms of that final scene, however, it does feel as if your final shot might 'helicopter out' to give us the clearest impression that the events of the story we've been shown are rippling out across the entire 'kingdom' - as opposed to it simply being about these few citizens we've been introduced to.We talked on Tuesday about ensuring that audience thinks that they're looking at a 'perfect' society, before we learn that it is anything but. Looking at your script, to be honest, I don't think it makes too much difference if the audience knows this a dreadful place from the very beginning. It would save you screen time if your city was dark and unpleasant from the first moment, because we would be very clear from the outset who the enemy was and what's at stake for the characters. That said, if you do assert the world as dystopian to begin with, the end scene - in which the robots free themselves - should absolutely show a change in the mood. It occurs to me as I write that perhaps the robots themselves might glow a different colour once they've bene unplugged from the machine; perhaps they glow a nice blue, or a nice soft white... I suggest this, because I can imagine how, as the camera moves back to show us the city, we could see all these little white lights winking on across the entire kingdom, which tells us that everyone is 'unplugging' - if you do this, then you can obviously have the symbolism of 'light triumphing over the dark'.In design terms, I'd like to see you establishing a design concept that is less derivative of existing fantasy worlds in existing things; instead, think about deriving your visual concept from an idea derived from your theme; for example, the city/mother computer is symbolic of hive minds, then you could look at hexagons as a key, reoccurring shape: http://www.coxshoney.com/wp-content/uploads/honeycomb-bee-hexagon.jpgor you could look at animals that remind us of something that 'reaches out' to control everything, so:http://ichef.bbci.co.uk/naturelibrary/images/ic/credit/640x395/o/oc/octopus/octopus_1.jpg
My point is, don't look at existing cities etc. find your own visual concept and vocabulary of pertinent shapes, and design your own; fine, look at other people's concept art for art direction ideas, but think about all your efforts last term. The same is true of your little robots; yes, they have to be simple, and yes they have to have a single wheel, but again, for inspiration re. shapes, forms and construction, look at other things that share the characteristics of your character (drones, clones, slaves), so worker bees, or ants... I'm not saying make your robots look like insects, I'm just making the point that a bit of reference, research and lateral thinking can help you design a distinctive world in all its aspects.
I'm really sorry about the storyboard. I just now see that it's actually missing parts.. But I did put embed link into the presentation so you can check it in the blog as well. And thanks for the feedback I got more ideas to make things clearer. I guess I will go directly for a dystopia and turn it into utopia towards the end, when the robots get freed. I really like the idea with the lights changing from one colour to another.