From Script to Screen OGR


  1. OGR 21/01/16

    Hey Krissy,

    You're very nearly there - but I've got some enrichments/ideas for your consideration. Currently, there's no sense that a spell has been broken; to put it in simpler terms: let's imagine that the status quo of your world is 'bad' - it's like a kingdom under the evil influence of the wicked queen in the haunted castle; all the people in the kingdom are enslaved, and are compelled by the power of the wicked queen to only act in certain ways; love is forbidden, all contact is forbidden. However, the love of two inhabitants of this cursed world is so strong, that the curse is broken, and everyone lives happily ever after...

    At the moment, you've got the two inhabitants connecting with each other, but otherwise leaving the 'cursed kingdom' unchanged and the wicked queen in her castle. This makes for a less satisfying fable than perhaps this one could and should be. I was left worrying about all those other sweet little robots... With just a bit more work, I think you could make this a 'bigger' story without making the plot any more complicated. What you're missing is that moment when the evil spell is lifted from the kingdom, and you see order and harmony restored.

    I did have a simple idea as to how to make the robot's enslavement/freedom easier to demonstrate; let's say the robots can balance on their unicycle wheels - BUT - when we first encounter them, their single wheel is running along a groove in the path; all the robots have these grooves in the paths, and it suddenly occurs to our two robots that they can disengage from the groove and 'go their own way' - you could show them wobbling a bit, backwards and forwards, because they're so not used to being out of their grooves; it's like they're walking unaided for the first time. This means you don't have to destroy them to unite them; it just means that they're wheel is no longer dictated to by the path given them on the track. This means that you could show all the other robots coming to a halt, as they look to your lovers for inspiration, and suddenly, the temple is running low on energy (whatever it is the robots are transporting into the temple); it shorts out and the 'curse' is lifted.

    1. Hey Phil, I had this Evil empire as an idea and I made a post about it, if you have time you can give it a look. I was afraid I was going too far with it, but I did create evil machine that enslaves it's own 'children'. Can you give it a look as well and tell me what you think? I do realise I will have to fix it of course, because I focused on the evil empire and forgot about the problem unicycles have. I will try to combine them though. Thanks for your advice, now I know I was on the right path, but discarded it on my own...